 It's Time to Leave Addiction Behind and Find a New Dance |  |
No one likes to think of themselves as an addict. When I first realized I was addicted to alcohol nearly 25 years ago, I was somewhat shocked -- even though my behavior with alcohol was clearly out of control.
My Friend Lory Helped Me Get Sober
Alcohol and life circumstances had turned me into a major depressive mess. Every time I got drunk, I cried. As you can imagine, I was not very fun to be around.
When I showed up at Lory's apartment with my usual six pack, ready to share my woes, she said, "You can't come in if you bring that beer."
I'll Always Be Grateful to Lory
Thank God someone had the courage to set a limit with me. I don't know how long my misery would have lasted if Lory had not taken the risk to help me out of my denial.
I Got Sober at Age 23
I went through a month-long, in-patient treatment program. And have been sober every since.
But I Did Experience a Transfer Addiction
When I got sober, I turned to food for comfort. At first I didn't think anything of it. But, over time I realized I was as obsessed with food as I had been to alcohol -- and it was destroying my health.
Many Who Have WLS Struggle with Food Addiction
It's like a dance. You spend a lot of time obsessing about who (which unhealthy food) you want to dance with, a lot of time getting ready for the dance (cruising the grocery aisles, reading cookbooks, snooping around in the kitchen), and then you "dance" with one of your trigger foods.
Are You Dancing with an Addiction?
I know the word addiction is loaded with meaning for people. A stigma exists, it's true. But it's insane to not address an addiction just because it's uncomfortable to do so.
Once you seek help and get started on a program of recovery, you'll be amazed at how quickly your shame slips away.
Addictions Are Physiological and Psychological
Many people mistakenly believe addiction is only a mental problem. While there is a mental/emotional component to addiction, there is also a major physical component.
Addictions have a strong physiological basis, even if you are addicted to shopping.
Addiction Involves Wanting to Change Your Mood
When we engage in addictive behavior, we are attempting to change our brain chemistry so we can feel better. Addiction, the way I look at it, is really self medication.
There Are Healthier Ways to Make Yourself Feel Better
The tragedy of addiction is that the substance (or behavior) that soothes you also harms you. If you don't want that substance or behavior to "own" your life, you have to let go.
When you address your addiction(s) head on; whether it's food, alcohol, shopping, sex, or something else; you have a shot at overcoming it.
If you suspect you have an addiction, here are some strategies you can use to begin to deal with it:
1) Admit you are doing the dance. All good recovering addicts know the first step is to admit you have a problem. So, admit it ... first to yourself, and then to someone who can help you. Please feel free to write to me if you would like to tell someone, but don't know who to turn to.
2) Find a new dance partner. It can help to substitute a healthy behavior for an unhealthy one. For example, I drink peppermint tea at bedtime every night instead of eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream. I know this doesn't sound like a very good trade, but after having the tea maybe 100 nights in a row (yes, it takes time) I love it, crave it, and feel very satisfied with it.
3) Find a new place to dance. Leave that dance hall of shame and find a new place to go. Try to avoid hanging out in the kitchen or in front of the TV with a snacking family. Instead, go for a walk, visit the library, or try a 12-step meeting. I do all three. (I love libraries because they are a grand distraction and they don't have food.)
4) Learn new steps. Being addiction free can feel strange at first. Awkward. You will have to learn how to cope in completely different ways. You will have to let go of some friends, and make new friends. You will have to work at finding healthier ways to respond to life's challenges. This is why it's good to get help. You can learn from others who understand your situation.
5) Practice. Letting go of an addiction is not an event. It is a process that takes time and attention. Know that practicing new steps makes the dance of life less fun for a short while, but once you get the hang of it, look out! You'll be dancin' with the stars.
Did You Have WLS Hoping for a Better Life?
I know I did. If you are struggling with an addiction -- or if you don't know if you are addicted -- talk to someone knowledgeable about it.
As I said, I'm happy to help. Call my toll-free number or send me a note by email, and I'll help you find the right help for you.
Toll free: (877) 746-5759 (Eastern time zone)
Email: katiejay@nawls.com
Warm regards,
Katie
Katie Jay, MSW, is director of the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery and a certified life coach. Get the free report, "The 10 Most Common Mistakes Weight Loss Surgery Patients Make," when you sign up for her free e-mail newsletter at www.10WLSmistakes.com.